Dialectics: Awareness, Acceptance and Change

I've been reading about a relatively new behavior theory called dialectics recently. Greatly simplified, dialectics is grounded in radical acceptance; that is, being fully aware and accepting oneself, others, or a situation, without judgment, blame, anger, or justifications. Once we radically accept, we can move along to the heart of dialectics, which is grounded in finding a perfect balance between acceptance and the need for change.




I'll be the first to agree that both radical acceptance and balancing acceptance and change are challenging skills. That said, both are ideas that are essentials in our weight management journey.




How? Being fully aware is at the core of mindfulness--and mindfulness is at the core of healthy eating. Although you can lose weight by following a strict diet instead of being aware of hunger and fullness, it's hard to eat that way indefinitely. In fact, that's a major reason most people end up regaining weight after dieting. When people learn how to eat mindfully -- being fully aware of what, when, why, and how much they are eating -- weight management becomes a comfortable lifestyle, rather than a painful temporary change.




The core of dialectics -- the ability to balance acceptance with change -- is inherent to other elements of successful weight maintenance. The most obvious example is body pride. Many people neglect their body until they become fed up with their appearance, then plunge into a strict diet, as though they deserve to be punished for their appearance. It makes more sense to accept that your body is an amazing and wonderful creation, while simultaneously recognizing that a healthier lifestyle would show respect for that creation -- that is, finding a balance between acceptance and change.




A less obvious connection is the relationship between dialectic thinking and motivation. Simply put, motivation is the answer to the question, "Why bother?" When you're trying to juggle a long workday, an hour-long commute, three kids, a dog, and two cats, squeezing in a workout and a healthy dinner demands some motivation! If we can't find a balance between why we need to change and accepting our body as it is right now, it can be all-too-easy to say, "Why bother? I'm already fat and dumpy. I've always been overweight. It'll always be this way!"




Dialectic thinking allows us to think, "Well, right now I'm fifty pounds heavier than I've ever been, and I accept that. I wasn't eating healthy or physically active for many years. But now, today, I'm taking better care of my body, and one way I'm doing that is by eating more meals at home, and walking the dog with the kids every evening." In other words, dialectic thinking helps us be more patient -- with ourselves, with others, and with the process of weight management.




How can you put dialectic thinking to work for you? Good question! Here are some ideas:

• Practice mindful eating: Forego distractions (driving, TV, Internet, etc.) while you're eating. Observe what, when, why, and how much you're eating. Enjoy your meal!
• Look at your body in the mirror, and choose a particular body part or area to focus on (your stomach, thighs, buttocks, etc.). For every negative thought or emotion you notice, come up with a positive thought or emotion about that same body part or area.
• Take a few minutes to sit down and just breathe. Then, ask yourself what you're feeling, and what you most need. Make a plan to nurture yourself -- without using food (unless you're actually feeling hungry).

There are more ways to put dialectic thinking into play as we make our weight management journey, and we'll explore them next year. For now, I encourage you to experiment with radical acceptance, and with balancing acceptance and change. Next week, we'll take a look at a recipe for New Year's Eve. Until then, I hope you enjoy a happy, healthy holiday season!

Focus on Maintaining, Not Losing

For many people, December isn't just the holiday season. It's also a time when weight loss is a real challenge. Chances are, you're busier than usual, which makes physical activity and adequate rest less likely. You'll probably face both more frequent and higher-calorie temptations, food-wise. And the holidays tend to bring a mix of both positive and negative stresses, on top of the ordinary stress and anxiety we face every day. Many people find that, despite their best intentions to lose weight in December, they weigh more in January than they did in November.


When I first began working in weight maintenance, the doctor I was working with expressed complete confidence that our clients would gain weight in December, undoing all the hard work they'd put in for the past few months. I just smiled and said, "We'll see." To his surprise, not a single one of our clients gained weight. Most maintained, and a few even lost weight!


How did we do it? It was surprisingly easy! Instead of coaching my clients to continue with weight loss, we worked out a plan for maintaining, instead of losing, weight in December.


Why? Let's be honest: The challenges of the holiday season make maintaining weight a more realistic goal, even if you're enjoying success with weight loss. Maintaining weight does mean you'll need to keep doing what you're doing, of course. But, just as with weight loss, you don't need to do weight maintenance perfectly to do it well!

With maintenance, you have a little more leeway than you do with weight loss. It's okay to stay up late a few nights, enjoy a half-cup or two of eggnog, have a few candy canes, and cut back on your workouts a little (or even skip a few). You won't lose weight, because you're not keeping up with the behaviors that lead to weight loss. But as long as you don't get too carried away, you won't gain weight, either.

That said, I want to point out that the holidays tend to encourage getting carried away, whether the topic is shopping for gifts, partying, or food choices. And, of course, that's why so many people gain weight during the holiday season.

So, this holiday season, I encourage you to consider how you can change what you're doing a little bit. Not a lot, just a little -- just enough to give you some leeway to enjoy the holiday season, without crossing the line to abandon. It's crucial to give it some thought now, and to plan ahead for the challenges you're likely to face. That way, you can relax, enjoy the holiday season, and maintain your weight. So, when January arrives, you're ready to get back on track with your weight loss behaviors that will keep you on the path to health and happiness.

If you're already maintaining your weight, then spending some time thinking about how you'll maintain is even more important. Whatever you're doing on a regular basis is just enough to keep you where you are, so any indulgences you enjoy put you at risk for weight gain. That means it's especially important to think ahead to how you'll create a balance between the things you do that allow you to maintain your weight, and the things you'll do differently during the holiday season.

We'll continue talking about handling the holidays next week. Until then, post and let us know what challenge you face this holiday season, and how you plan to tackle it. See you next Tuesday! :)

Beat Cravings! Change the Cognitive Distortions of Cravings

Have you noticed that weight management is usually easiest in the beginning? That can be the honeymoon effect: Although making change is challenging, it’s also exciting. It’s when people feel most hopeful and powerful. On top of the honeymoon effect, many people lose weight quickly in the first few months…only to see weight loss slow down, or even plateau. When weight loss slows or stops, it’s easy to feel frustrated with following through on healthy eating, physical activity, getting enough rest, adequate hydration, and managing stress. That frustration can turn into a lapse…and a lapse or two can all-too-easily turn into a relapse.

What can you do to prevent lapses, or keep a lapse from turning into a relapse? For many people, cravings are their downfall. Of course, the occasional craving isn’t much more than an annoyance, a speed bump on the road to weight management success. Cravings aren’t just frustrating, though. A craving can turn into a lapse, which can trigger a relapse.

So, how can you bust cravings? In “Lose Weight” we look at several strategies, including engaging in a nurturing activity, physical activity, and using affirmations. Today we’ll uncover a powerful new tool for your cravings-busting arsenal – the cognitive distortions underneath your cravings.

 Think back to the last time you had a craving. Do you remember what you were thinking as you were craving? Chances are it sounded like one of these cognitive distortions:

1. The craving is unbearable
2. The craving is too powerful
3. This craving will never stop
4. This craving is making me crazy

When you’re in the throes of a craving, any one of these thoughts may seem true – but, in fact, none of them are. Think back to that craving again. Even as you were thinking the craving was unbearable, you were, in fact, enduring the craving. It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t unbearable. The same is true for each of the other cognitive distortions. You’ve already been resisting the craving, so it’s not that powerful. The craving may continue for a while, but eventually, it will stop. And while in the moment it does seem as though the craving is making you crazy, it can’t.

So, how can you bust cravings before you give in to them? The next time a craving starts to sing its siren song to you, change its tune! Here’s an example of how you can “answer” each of the cognitive distortions we looked at earlier:

1. I’ve been successful this long. I can put up with this craving a little longer.
2. As powerful as this craving is, I’ve been more powerful! I can continue to be powerful a little while longer.
3. Even though it seems like this craving will never stop, I know that’s not true. Nothing lasts forever – not even the most intense cravings. After all, never is a very long time!
4. It sure feels like this craving is making me crazy, but I know it actually can’t make me crazy.

When you have the option to nurture yourself, do some physical activity, or deal with the temptation directly (by walking away from temptation, putting away leftovers, giving food away, asking the server to remove it, etc.), I encourage you to do so. Sometimes, though, our thoughts are all that stand between us and giving in to a craving. In those cases, identifying the cognitive distortion behind a craving, and changing it into a positive thought, can give you the power you need to successfully bust the craving.

So, are you ready to put this tool to work? Think back to your last craving again, and come up with at least one or two counter-thoughts. Write them down, and put them where you’ll see them daily. Practice countering your cravings by saying your cravings-busters out loud at least once every day, for two weeks. If you can, post your cravings-busters where you can see them when your cravings are strongest.

Now it’s your turn! What situation or food creates cravings for you? How can you counter your cognitive distortions? Let us know how it goes as you experiment with finding and changing your cravings-related cognitive distortions! J

Enjoy the Journey!

I often encourage people to reward themselves with something tangible when they reach a particular weight management goal. Interestingly, many people are surprised by the idea. "What?!" they say incredulously. "Reward myself for doing something I should already being doing? Are you crazy?"

I'm reasonably normal, but irrespective of my sanity, I'm on to something here. Consider this: The tasks you undertake to lose weight are things you'll have to do for a lifetime, right? So, hopefully, your goal is to get to the point where things you're not doing -- quite often because you don't care so much for them -- become habitual. You've got a pretty significant hurdle to overcome, right?

So how about rewarding yourself for your little accomplishments? Wouldn't it be a lot easier to follow through on a tough goal if you were looking forward to going out shoe shopping, hitting the golf course, or getting a massage as a treat for your hard work? Wouldn't it be encouraging to start out your day getting dressed in the new tie, earrings, or gorgeous little ring you bought yourself last week as a reward for meeting a goal? You bet it would!

I suspect that what holds people back from the idea of a tangible reward for progress is the idea that they've been bad, and they deserve to suffer for gaining weight. Pish. Here's what I've observed:

• Many people gain weight because they're using food as a tool to manage their feelings. They're just doing the best they can with the skills they have.


• Others have fallen prey to society's diet mentality. Their lifestyle habits and metabolisms are suffering as a result.


• There are plenty of perimenopausal women who truly don't appreciate what their bodies are going through, and they don't know how to cope with those changes.


• Baby boomers are going through changes related to aging, and don't know what to do differently.

I could go on, but you get the idea: Most of the people with whom I work need information or skills. I don't believe a lack of information or skills makes you bad, wrong, or wicked. And if you're here, reading this, I'm willing to bet you want more information and skills. That makes you the opposite of bad, wrong, and wicked, doesn't it?

What do you think of the idea of a small, but meaningful, tangible reward, so you enjoy the process of weight loss? How big of a hurdle is it for you to appreciate your accomplishments that lead up to your ultimate weight management goals? And, most importantly, how will you reward yourself -- today, tomorrow, next week, at the end of the month -- for what you're doing?

The Woman on Page 194

Okay, so I'm still talking about the woman on page 194, but I can't help it. What, you haven't heard about her? There's an article in the September 2009 issue of Glamour featuring a so-called plus-sized model:

(Walter Chin for Glamour (left); September 2009 issue of Glamour)

At first glance, this article made me feel hopeful. Isn't it great that, at last, we see a woman with a cute little belly roll, real thighs, and maybe even a stretch mark or two enshrined on the glossy pages of Glamour?

But then I couldn't help but think...maybe this article is discouraging. This woman is considered a plus-size model? She looks healthy and happy to me!

Maybe it's time for us to shift our focus from the woman on page 194 -- and not just because I've finally blogged about her. Maybe a better question all along has been: Should we be calling women with a BMI well below normal "models"?

What do you think?