Self-Esteem: A Weighty Matter?

One of the questions I'm asked most often is, "How can I lose weight fast?" I'm sometimes tempted to answer this question at face value by saying, "Give your body exactly the amount of activity, nutrition, hydration, and rest it needs, manage stress, and overcome the effects of aging, medications, and other factors that affect your weight, and do this perfectly every day until you reach your desired weight." (Whew!)

Of course, I don't say that. It's not that I'm not in favor of people maintaining a weight that compromises their health. Rather, my observation, both personal and professional, has been that most of the time, the desire to lose weight overnight has its roots in something deeper than body size.
For many of us, weight loss has everything to do with self-esteem; that is, the belief that we are lovable. Many of us believe that our self-esteem is directly related to how we look. If we look good, we deserve to be loved; if we're not looking our best, it's our own fault we're not lovable, or loved.

It's true that these kinds of beliefs lend a false sense of control: "When I lose weight, then everything will be perfect!" However, they're not grounded in reality. In fact, self-esteem is entirely an inside job. As children, we turn to our parents and ask the question, "Am I lovable?" The way our parents respond guides our beliefs about our self-esteem. But once we become adults, we are free to decide. It's entirely up to you to determine if you're lovable, or not so much. Whatever you choose will become your reality.

A better, more inspiring, perspective is to look at the skills we need for successful weight management as tools to keep ourselves healthy and happy, instead of focusing on thinner and happy. So, here's your challenge for the week: Make a list of the things your body does right and well. Does your body get you from place to place? Make it possible for you to connect with others? Give birth? Digest your food? Write them down!

Then, the next time you feel frustrated with your weight, take a deep breath and remind yourself of what your body does well. Instead of pushing yourself to lose weight fast, what can you do to show some appreciation to your body for all it does for you?