Are You a Good Parent To Yourself?

When I was in college, a nursing student told me, "It must be terrific being a dietetics major. You know how bad some foods are for you, so you don't want to eat them. How lucky for you!" Her perspective caught me off-guard, because my education hadn't had that kind of effect at all. I replied, "Actually, it's the opposite: I know how good some foods are for me, and that encourages me to eat more of them." She smiled and nodded, but it was clear from her expression she didn't relate to my perspective.

In retrospect, I'd bet she's the product of permissive parenting. Permissive parents -- the parent who struggles with setting reasonable limits -- create just as much havoc in a child's life as a harsh, autocratic parent does.

One of the unexpected outcomes of permissive parenting is the effect it can have on eating habits. Permissive parents often allow their children to raid the refrigerator whenever they wish, serve only the food their children want to eat, and even go so far as to prepare a second or third meal if the child suddenly turns up their nose at what's on the table. I have an acquaintance who told me, "I only serve my boys chicken nugget dinosaurs and Jell-o, because that's all they'll eat!"

As is often the case in parenting, it can take years for the results to accumulate and become problematic. Young children are naturally active, and given the opportunity for movement, the lack of reasonable limits and education about healthy eating may not take a toll until the child becomes a teenager, or even an adult.

Nevertheless, the damage is done. The child who grows up with permissive eating habits fails to learn that some foods are healthier than others. On a deeper level, the child doesn't learn respect for their own body. That doesn't make some foods "good" and some foods "bad." It does mean that, if I respect and honor my body for all it does for me, I'll cheerfully choose foods that help rather than harm me. At the extreme, these children begin to associate healthy limit-setting with punishment, rather than seeing it as a loving, nurturing decision.

Even if you grew up with autocratic "Because I said so!" parents, you may have some permissive eating habits. Sometimes people allow themselves to be indulgent with food (or exercise, or other behaviors that affect weight), as a reward for their hard work and sacrifice elsewhere. Or, they swing back and forth between autocratic and permissive eating -- classic yo-yo dieting. When in autocratic mode, they eat their alloted 1,200 calories a day, and no more, regardless of how hungry they are. Eventually, they rebel, and eat whatever they want.

We'll take a look at authoritative parenting, and its impact on eating habits, next month. Until then, I encourage you to give thought to how you're parenting yourself when it comes to food. Are you the harsh autocratic parent we talked about here? Are you permissive? Or do you swing back and forth between these two extremes? The first step in change is identifying the challenge!