Were you wondering where I was yesterday? I enjoyed a really fantastic day Tuesday. We did well with home schooling, I answered posts in my online classes, did the laundry, exercised, drank all my water, worked on my latest choreo and costume, got the kids to their classes on time, and we enjoyed a family dinner together. So, nothing spectacular, but the day went smoothly and I enjoyed it thoroughly.
And then I overate at dinner. I started munching on tortilla chips as soon as we got home from gymnastics, ate two bowls of chili when I really needed only one, and had a few extra tortilla chips when I finished the second bowl. I stopped at one double-fudge cookie, and I woke up starving this morning, but those were small compensations, given that I've been overeating at dinner every night all week long.
So, I went to bed confused, angry, and a little worried. What's wrong with me? kept going through my mind. Why can't I just stop eating when I'm satisfied, like I normally do? Things are going so well for me.
That last thought should've been the trigger, but it took me a good night's sleep to make sense of it. Perfectionism is an aspect of my personality that I struggle with, and I've recently enjoyed some new success in this area. Those successes lead directly to the day I had yesterday.
Ironically, I've found that success can be as challenging as failure. It seems especially true when the success in question is one that's required a great deal of effort. I suspect that for me, this is because it's been a lot of work to get to this point. I'd like to think of it as a destination, not a journey, as in, "Whew, I'm glad that's over, and I'm no longer ever going to be a perfectionist in that way again! Thank goodness!"
Of course, it doesn't actually work that way. The truth runs parallel to our conversations last week about getting versus being thin. Success is a journey, not a destination, just like getting thin is a destination and being thin is a journey. This destination-versus-journey talk may seem like a warmer-fuzzier way of looking at life (and weight management), but in fact, I think it's harder. It's certainly more accurate.
And right now, it doesn't feel easier. I'm realizing that days like yesterday aren't going to just fall out of the sky for me. I'm going to have to work on them. As time goes by, the skills I'm developing now will become second nature, and it'll get easier. But I can't know, right now, whether it'll ever be easy (a destination) or always be kinda-sorta challenging (a journey).
Where are you at with weight management right now? Are you trying your hardest to get to your destination? Are you enjoying the journey? Are you prepared for the possibility that when you arrive at the destination, you may need to continue the journey? Post below and let me know!
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